The first time I kissed a man
we were at a straight party
alone in the kitchen
grabbing beers
The Elton John and George Michael
version of “Don't Let the Sun Go
Down on Me” came on the radio
We started to sing along
moving closer to
each other
hands clenched close
to our months
holding invisible
microphones
Something older than
Kentucky rain fell
between us
Then we kissed
full-tongued
We had to be careful
getting caught risked a beating
It was like something
out of a goddamned movie
It was then I knew gay men
are better in both style and substance
at almost everything
The rest of the story
isn't so cute
It was 1991
We were falling
in love in a small
town in Missouri
and two years later
he'd be dead
found hanged in his room
because, after all,
this was a small town
in Missouri in 1991.
They say the earth vibrates
a remnant from being dinged
by an asteroid or two before
memory was invented
They say we can't feel it
but I swear to god I can
under foot—ringing
like a plate dropped without
breaking in the kitchen
But the world won't
just crack open, will it
won't just open wide, split
will it
I have fears
and enemies everywhere
There's the goddamn email
The Shadow men
The Mandela Effect
All these superstitions
like straightening empty
beer bottles at the bar until
they barely touch
like reluctant lovers
She moves over to turn
them, to make sure the
labels face the same direction
and there they are
a little army
Sometimes you need
a women who'll help you
straighten bottles
So you can say
I like the way you
straighten them bottles, mama
And sometimes you need
a woman who'll knock them down
Kill with a fist
But no on can do both, right?
That's something no one can do.
And if they start to fall
that's all right
No one can feel us vibrating
No one knows we're about
to split wide open full
of lava and lice
I mean, as long as we're funny, right?
As long as we say funny things
no one will know we're
about to crack
like an egg full
of spiders
Will they?
Daniel Crocker’s work has appeared in The Los Angeles Review, Hobart, Big Muddy, New World Writing, Stirring, Juked, The Chiron Review, The Mas Tequila Review, and over 100 others. His books include Like a Fish (full length) and The One Where I Ruin Your Childhood (e-chap with thousands of downloads) both from Sundress Publications. Green Bean Press published several of his books in the ’90s and early 2000s. These include People Everyday and Other Poems, Long Live the 2 of Spades, the novel The Cornstalk Man and the short story collection Do Not Look Directly Into Me. He has also published several chapbooks through various presses. His newest full-length collection of poetry, Shit House Rat, was published by Spartan Press in September of 2017. Stubborn Mule Press published Leadwood: New and Selected Poems—1998-2018 (available now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble) in October 2018. He was the first winner of the Gerald Locklin Prize in poetry. He is the editor of The Cape Rock (Southeast Missouri State University) and the co-editor of Trailer Park Quarterly. He’s also the host of the podcast, Sanesplaining, about poetry, mental illness, and nerd stuff. He is a bipolar, bisexual Gemini who lives, teaches and writes in Missouri