“she was not without hope,
she bought a double bed,”
that little poem by Ruth Herstein
was my mantra when i loved andrew
except I’d bought a captain’s bed instead
the biggest of the big
andrew was big
6’ 4” and nearly 400 lbs
everyone loved him in spite of it
or because of it
andrew with the flamboyant bird tats
engulfing his arms
his chest
god knows where else
he was a Harvard grad and proud of it
photographic memory
read everything
and remembered
could’ve made more money than Jeopardy’s
Ken Jennings or James Holzhauer
combined
andrew was the only man i ever loved
enough to want to marry
i tried for 7 yrs
to get him to love me back
“you know I’m gay,” he said
“so what, so am i.”
“i’m just not in love with you.”
“in” being the operative word
i remember when he said that
so flat
unequivocal
he loved me
but not like that
matter of fact
i didn’t love him like that either but
but
but
so what?
Chocolate Waters is a continuously evolving radical feminist poet and celebrant of the new power of the feminine. She began performing her work in the mid 70's and has toured throughout the U.S. and parts of Canada. Her first three books of poetry are considered classics of the Second Wave, and her latest book, the woman who wouldn’t shake hands, was published by Poets Wear Prada (Hoboken, NJ). She currently conducts the Poetry Circle for senior writers at Hamilton House in Manhattan. Her latest book, Bittersweet Resurrection, (Eggplant Press, NYC) will be released in 2020. You can see what she’s up to at ChocolateWaters.com. Friend her on Facebook (she always welcomes more friends).